Tuesday, 4 January 2011

' am i more then you bargined for?'

wow its been over a month.
yet i have nothing to write about. no love intrest. no problems. except for maybe one ? feeling unwanted at times you know ? like the night before my birthday my parents were arguing ( not much of a problem) but my mum acted as if she didnt want me and my sis she kept going on about how we were our fathers kids and we could fuck off. so will i ever have a mother figure ? because to be honest she doesnt waant to be our mum she feels forced into it. i can see it in her eyes sometimes the lack of love then the next second its gone from her eyes. is it my imagination ? more than likely right ? but then i have always used peoples eyes to read them and it worked before. i can tell when people are sad/uncofortable just by their eyes. when they hate me or think i'm pretty cool. however i havent ever had mother really and i never will . i AM unwanted there. i fought to live to survive all my life. my moto ' the only person you can depend on is yourself no-one else'. so maybe i should stick to it in evry part of my life. i mean thats why i dont date i push guys away or keep them away because they will only break your heart. is that the same with everyone you love ? honestly i dont know but i've been hurt so many times that my heart is definately locked away and sometimes i cant even find it but carry on right?

i had so much fun yesterday and it seems like garry has always been part of our group to be honest <3

'who shits on the floor in blockbuster?' ;)

imma growing my dumbledore beeard back :)

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